I brought my laptop and wireless Internet on the plane for my flight to Las Vegas. The first thing I did once I was allowed to turn it on was download a video of Clay doing 'Fantasy' on American Idol. Or so I thought that's what I had downloaded. But when I played it, it was a shadowy figure singing on the corner of Hollywood and Highland.

"I'd rather see you dead little girl. Then to be with another man. You better keep your head little girl. Or I won't know where I am. You better run for your life. If you can little girl. Hide your head in the sand little girl. Catch you with another man. That's the end, little girl."

The man ripped his shirt off and stepped into the streetlight. It was Ryan Seacrest. I couldn't escape him, not even 100,000 feet in the air. I wanted to scream and throw my laptop to the floor, but I couldn't take my eyes from the screen. It's like that morbid urge that forces you to stare at a car accident.

"Well you know that I'm a wicked guy. And I was born with a jealous mind. And I can't spend my whole life trying. Just to make you toe the line."

When he reached for his belt buckle, I quickly shut the video down. I sat back and breathed a sigh of relief. Then the video popped back up again.

"You better run for your life. If you can little girl. Hide your head in the sand little girl. Catch you with another man -
That's the end, little girl."

I closed it back down. I called the flight attendant over and told her Ryan Seacrest was stalking me. She laughed like I was crazy and tossed a bag of honey-roasted peanuts into my lap.

"I'm serious! Look!"

I opened the video up again. This time instead of Seacrest serenading me from the shadows, it was Clay doing "Fantasy" on AI.

"Clay Aikens, huh?" She smirked as she walked away.

"I love him!" I yelled.

She laughed loudly and I tossed my peanuts at her. They hit her in the head and she ran into the cockpit crying. A minute later, the captain came over the intercom. "Ladies and gentlemen. Just a little reminder, do not throw your honey roasted peanuts at the flight attendants. Thank you and enjoy the rest of the flight."

And I did. I slept. And I dreamt. And I slept some more. Then I ate a bag of honey-roasted peanuts.