So I woke up this morning and decided what better way to show my undying love and devotion than by getting a tattoo. I even designed it on paper first.

I went by myself to a tattoo place downtown. It was a little biker mom and biker pop place run by a couple who lived in the back of the building. A little biker boy of about 7 or eight ran in and out of the place and a white bulldog slept on the floor.

While I waited for the man of the store to prepare himself, his son asked me what kind of tattoo I was getting. How cute. I thought. I pulled the picture out of my pocket and showed it to him.

He crinkled his nose up. "Clay Aikens is stupid."

"You’re stupid!"

"You are!"

"You are!" I stuck my tongue out at him.

"He’s stupid stupid stupid!"

I reached my hands for his neck, but he dodged out of my way. His father came back into the room. "Are we ready?"

I sat back in my seat and crossed my hands in my lap. "Yes, we are." I responded.

He pulled a pair of rubber gloves on. "Alright, let’s see this picture." I unfolded the piece of paper and handed it to him. Before he could take it from my hand, a strange gust of wind blew in through the window and somehow sucked the paper outside.

"What the..." He leaned towards the window. A hand popped into view and placed the note on the window ledge. It was mysteriously folded again. "How strange." He muttered as he picked it up and unfolded it He had me lean forward while he did his magic on my back. It hurt like a mug, but it was worth it.

When he left to get another color, I glared across the room at the little boy, who was sitting in a chair in the corner glaring back at me. He stuck his tongue out at me and I noticed he had it pierced.

"Aren’t you a little young to have your tongue pierced?"

"Are you a little old to be getting a pop star’s name tattooed on your skin?"

I gasped. I resisted the urge to lunge for him. I didn’t want to mess up my tattoo before I even had a chance to woo Clay with it.

2 hours later, I was walking to Alyssa’s house with a numb spine and a smile on my face. I had decided to forego driving cause sitting back against the seat hurt.

I walked up her front steps and rang the doorbell. No one answered. I banged on the door and yelled her name. Not a sound came from inside. I got a ladder and put it up against the house next to her bedroom window.

I climbed up and looked through the glass. She was asleep on the bed. I pulled the window open. She was tossing and turning, yelling "Get if off me! Get it off me! I don’t even like jello!" I shook he awake. She shot upright and looked at me in horror.

"Oh thank God! I was having the most god-aweful dream!"

"It wasn’t that dream about Clay coming out again, was it?"

"No. We were making jello. And you spilled some on me."

"... And?"

"And that’s it."

"...Okay."

"How did you get in here?"

I motioned towards the window. "I have to show you what I got! It’s my homage to Clay."

I lifted up the back of my shirt to show her. "... That’s your homage to Clay?"

"Yeah! Isn’t it great?!"

"I don’t think Clay’s gonna like that."

"Why? Does it look naughty?"

"No."

She lead me over in front of her mirror. I looked back over my shoulders.

"I love nayr tsercear? What the hell does that mean?!"

"Turn it around."

My beautiful Clay tattoo now resembled something similar in it's appeareance, but frightening in it's meaning.

I love.... Ry... an ... Sea... cre.... st? I love Ryan... sea... crest? I love ryan seacrest? I LOVE RYAN SEACREST!"

I heard a whoop from outside and then a car peeling out of the driveway

I looked out the window just in time to see the tail end of a black Porsche turning the corner.

"Damn you!"

Alyssa leaned out the window next to me. "Damn you, Reacrest!" She shook her fist at him. As she pulled her upper half back inside, she knock me out the window. I fell two stories and landed hard in her mom's flower box.

"OMG!" She yelled. "My mom is going to kill you!"

She rushed me to the emergency room.. and that's the end of that chapter.