I called the limo company 'Big 'n Tall Rides' pretending to be the wife of the driver who was picking up Clayton and delivering him to his destination tonight. The receptionist gave me the driver's schedule and route. I put on my most whorish outfit and stood along the side of Highway 27, with an empty suitcase at my feet.

At the last minute, I decided to stuff my bra full of rocks to make my little ones bigger. If I didn't convince the driver to pull over for me, my entire plan would be ruined. When I saw the limo approaching I stuck my thumb out. The driver took one look at my big fake bosoms and slammed on the breaks. He opened the passenger door and told me to get in. I couldn't get in the car without him getting out first, lest my plans be ruined, so I whined and said I needed help with my Hello Kitty suitcase. He climbed out of the car and headed over to me. When he reached for the suitcase, I yanked it up in the air and brought it down on his skull.

"You're crazy, lady!"

I hit him again.

"Ow!"

"You're supposed to get knocked out so I can steal your clothes and shove your body in the trunk!"

I hit him a couple more times until he grabbed the suitcase out of my hands and tossed it across the street, where it was crushed by a passing semi. Oh well. I borrowed it from Seacrest anyway.

To my luck, the driver had a passion for cross dressing, so I was able to talk him into swapping clothes. As he was admiring himself in one of the sideview mirrors, I jumped in the front seat and sped off.

I pulled up to the curb outside of Clay's hotel and called the front desk to let them know I was there. I also mentioned to them that it was hot in the limo and Clay needn't be wearing a shirt. When I saw him and Jerome approaching I jumped out of the car and raced around to the side to open the door. Jerome stepped in front of Clay to block him from my view. I tried to peak around his boulder of a body, but he directed me to keep my eyes where he could see them. "That's a fine piece of man you work for." I said.

He scowled down at me. "Do I know you?"

"No."

"You look familiar."

"I drive a lot of celebrities." My knees started to shake as he leaned forward and sniffed me. "You smell familiar too."

"Uh… I use a very popular conditioner."

He lowered his sunglasses and glared at me.

"I'm just gonna go get in the front seat." I said. I ran around to the driver's side of the limo and got in. I tried rolling down the partition window to catch a glimpse of Clay, but Jerome sternly told me I was not allowed to touch the window controls.

20 minutes into the drive, Jerome rolled the window down a quarter of an inch to ask me where we were. He poked me in the eye with a straw when I tried to peak through the crack.

"This doesn't look like the way to the venue." He said.

"I assure you it is."

But it wasn't. I was taking Clay to my family's summer home, a farm house on the outskirts of town. We would have to climb in a window because my parents took away my key last summer after an accident with some whipped cream and a fire poker. The details are all in the police report. I figured if I sat on his shoulders I'd be able to reach the kitchen window. Once I got inside, I could stand on the counter to pull him in after me. What would happen next is not fit to be printed.

I pulled over half a mile away from the summer house. I had to get someone get Clay away from Jerome.

Jerome rolled down the partition and asked why we had stopped.

"We have a flat tire."

"I didn't hear a flat tire."

"Trust me."

"But-"

"Who's the limo driver here, sir?"

I convinced him to get out and check the tire for me. As soon as he did, I locked the doors and took off down the road. After I pulled into the driveway, I ripped off my shirt and ran over to open Clay's door.

"It's time, baby." I said as I poked my head into the backseat.

It was empty.