Last night, I let Seacrest touch my bra strap so he’d give me a hundred bucks.

I slipped the hundred dollar bill into the security guards hand at the NBC studios and he let me in the back door. He handed me a crudely drawn map of the studio with arrows pointing the way to the stage where Scrubs was filmed. I winked at him and headed down the hall.

The map had room 216A labeled as Clay’s dressing room, but I passed a different room with a piece of paper taped to the door with Clay’s name on it.

I tried the handle and the door opened slowly on its own. I looked around the hallway to make sure no one was watching, and then I quietly stepped inside the room.

The door shut behind me and I was swallowed by complete darkness. I ran my hand along the wall trying to find the light switch. I walked around the room, trying to find the light. I walked around and around and I couldn’t even find the door I had come in.

I started to panic. I walked faster and faster, running my hands up and down the wall.

I stopped short when my hands met a man’s chest.

“Oooh la la.” I said as I rubbed his pecs. “You’ve finally come to your senses, Clayton.”

Then I remember Clay was taller and his pecs, or the area where they should be, would be several inches higher.

“Seacrest!” I yelled.

The man turned on a flashlight to illuminate his face. It was not Seacrest at all, but Zach Braff.

His eyebrows cast a shadow on his face. It was eerie and I shivered.

“I was warned you’d show up here.” Zach said. “Clay said her hair is red and her eyes are wild. Your hair is orange but if those eyes aren’t wild, then I don’t know wild eyes.”

I backed away from him. “You better turn on a light Braff or you’ll be sorry.”

“There are no lights here.”

Just then the lights turned on.

“Hey man, come on.” Zach groaned.

I turned around. Seacrest was standing on the other side of the room with his hand on a light switch.

“Where’d that light switch come from?” I asked.

“How’d you get in here?” Braff said, ignoring my question. “I sealed the doorway.”

“I have my ways.” He nodded his head towards a small air vent on the floor.

“A human couldn’t fit in there!” I said astounded. “Not even a miniature version like you.”

“I swear to God, Seacrest,” I grabbed his shirt and shook him. “If I’m having another acid trip, you’re gonna find out the meaning of pain!”

“Not an acid trip.” He pointed to Zach. “Just evil in a scrub top with matching pants.”

“You leave my scrubs out of this!! I happen to sleep in these!”

He waved his arm in the air, covering himself in a puff of smoke. When the smoke had cleared, he was gone and the door was open.

Ryan muttered something about not being allowed in competing studios and rushed out the door.

I rushed after him. “NBC is better than Fox anyway!” I shouted even though I didn’t really believe it.

A security guard hurried over to us with a weeping Zach Braff behind him.

“She’s the one!” He pointed at me. “She touched my special place!”

“Crocodile tears!” I pointed at his fake tears.

The security guard grabbed my arm and dragged me towards the exit. “I paid a hundred bucks in blood money to get in here. “

“Shut it.”

As we passed a room, I heard Clay’s voice singing ‘Isn’t She Lovely’.

“He’s singing about me!!” I tried to get out of the guard’s grasp.

“They’re filming a scene!”

Zack smirked and stuck his tongue out at me. Then he ran into the same room Clay’s voice had come out of.

“Pure evil.” I said to the guard. “Zach Braff is pure evil.”

He opened the back door and shoved me outside.

“I’ll never watch Scrubs again! I’ll never wear scrubs again! I’ll never even scrub my bathroom again or listen to ‘No Scrubs’ by TLC! I’ll show you Zach Braff!”

His evil laughter echoed across the parking lot as I ran away