Clay's 'The Way/Solitare' single was released today. It's sure to be a hot seller. I dragged Maya and my bro Jason to Wal-mart last night to camp the night out. We were prepared to fight the battle that would certainly ensue when the doors opened in the morning. We'd be the first among the masses to snatch up a copy.

We got there about 11 PM. There were only a few cars in the parking lot. Since there were no other fans lined up, the cars must have belonged to night shift employees. I had thought about getting inside and bribing one of them to get me an advanced copy, but Maya crushed that with her cynicism.

"A whole 7 hours in advance." Maya rolled her eyes and mocked me.

My brother had brought along his boom box. I took out his Britney Spears CD and tossed it in the road. I stuck in Clay's album 'Measure Of A Man' and blasted 'The Way'. Maya and I danced around, making googily faces at each other and tugging at our shirts. I stood on the street corner singing to the passing traffic at the top of my lungs. Jason tried to hold Maya's hand like the guy in the video, but Maya slapped him crapless. He sheepishly hid behind a stop sign as we pranced around like fools.

At 7am, our perseverance never wavering, we replayed the song for the 105th time. We were still the only people there. Jason sat on the ground crying into his hands. Something about having to pee all night long. I don't know. I wasn't listening. In the midst of our last round of scream-singing a man came walking up through the parking lot and approached us. His nametag identified him as the store manager. He walked up and asked us what we were doing. "Nosy much?" I said. Maya calmly explained that we were waiting for the store to open because "SHE wants to buy Clay Aiken's new single." He explained the store was open 24 hours. Apparently we could have gone in at 12:01 and bought the single. Damn me and my inability to read store signs!!

I grabbed the two of them by the sleeves and barged through the door. I knocked down an old lady trying to pick up a box of Ben-Gay and trampled over another lady who I think might have been my mom. Over in the music section, an employee had just cut open a box. He pulled the first CD out and there I saw that face. With the ears. And the freckles. And the mouth and nose. The splendor of the beauty that is Clay Aiken. I snatched the CD out of his hand. "There'll be no need for that." I said as I grabbed up the entire box out of his hand. I slipped a copy of Kimberley Locke's "8th World Wonder" single CD into the box. I couldn't let Maya see me buying it. I have a reputation to protect. We hurried to the check-out lane, losing my brother along the way. Oops. But I'm sure he'll find his way home. Eventually.

The snooty cashier smirked at me as he rang up my CD's. "Do you realize these are all the same?"

"Do you realize whose CD that is?" I snooted back.

He squinted his eyes to read the name "Clay Atkins? Like the diet?"

"Clay AIKEN! Moron!"

"Ah... never heard of him."

I let out a gasp that echoed through the store. "Clay Aiken... American Idol... He sings that song 'Invisible'... It's only the greatest song EVER."

He looked at me blankly.

He pulled the Kimberly Locke CD out of the box. "This is different." He smiled as he flashed it for me and Maya to see. Maya gasped loudly and raised a hand to slap me. I pointed towards the front door. "Oh my god! It's JC Chasez!"

Maya screamed and ran for the door.

The cashier waved Kimberley's CD at me. "This is a good song."

"Hey. Less talk, more scanning."

"Sorry."

We stood in silence as the registered beeped through my purchases.

"You know he doesn't have to be invisible to be in my room... but his clothes can be invisible."

He ignored me.

"Someday... he'll be mine. And I'll deflower him on our wedding night... You'll see... It'll be a night to remember."

He eyes floated nervously from side to side as his scanning arm moved faster.

"I'll make him into a man. You'll see."

The cashier picked up the box of CDs and dumped the remaining ones in the bag. "You know what? Just go."

"But you didn't finish ringing those up... and I didn't pay you."

"That's ok."

"I didn't finish telling you about the night he will lose his virginity."

"Just go!"

I'm not one to argue with free CD's. So I took the bag and hurried out of the store before he could change his mind. I knocked over the poor Ben-Gay lady again.

For the past 12 hours I've listened to all 75 copies 4 times, forsaking all eating and bathroom needs.