I woke up bright and early this morning. Before the sun even. I didn't know the time difference between here and North Carolina, but decided to give calling The Clay another shot.

The phone rang three times before I heard a click, then something hitting the ground. Then a low voice mumbled "gosh darn".

Clay's gruff morning voice came on the line. "Hello?"

"Clay!"

"This is Clay. Who's calling?"

"It's Patti."

I could almost hear question marks floating around his head.

"I called you yesterday about our date."

"Oh... you. I'm sorry. I didn't catch your name yesterday."

"Did I wake you?"

"Actually, you did. It's not even 6am yet. I just got to bed a few hours ago. I spent most of the night in the emergency room."

"For what?"

"I got this giant chocolate heart in the mail. I didn't know it was chocolate before I ate it. But it, uh... I'm allergic to chocolate."

Crap! I could've killed him! I might as well have shot him with poison darts. I couldn't let him know it was me. I'd destroy our relationship before it had a chance to begin. I put on my best 'hadnothingtodowithit' act.

"Do you know where the heart came from?" I asked.

"Some girl sent it. She put her picture on it. And mine."

"Is she cute?"

"I don't know. She's wearing sunglasses and a beret. It also looks like she might have a fake mustache."

"Actually, that's chocolate milk."

"How do you know?"

Uh-oh. How did I know? I wasn't supposed to know.

"I'm just sayin' maybe she took a chunk of chocolate off the heart, melted it in some milk, drank it, and then forgot to wipe her mouth off. But who's to say."

"Right."

"She's obviously a nut."

"Yeah."

He laughed a teensy laugh. The slumbering psychologist in me wanted to find a bigger meaning in that laugh, but I knew one didn't exist.

"I just have one serious question and then I'll let you get back to sleep." I said.

"Okay. Ask."

"Um...

Do you want to go out for coffee?"

"I think I told you yesterday I'm allergic to coffee."

I had forgotten. "Yeah you did."

"Well, then um... the answer... it's still the same."

"If I was Paula Abdul, would you wanna go out?"

"Oh! Absolutely!"

"In that case, let's start over...

Hi, Clay. It's Paula. Wanna go out?

"Look, hon, I know you're not Paula."

"But I am!" I got so worked up, my voice squeaked. I bet Paula's voice didn't squeak and crack while talking to Clayton Aiken.

"You... no. Paula would not call me."

"She would so. Cause I am her."

He sighed. I drooled.

"You're effortless, Clay. See! I am Paula!"

He giggled the cutest of giggles.

"Listen, I need to get back to bed."

"Can I join you?"

"Um... not really." He giggled again.

"Maybe later then?"

Giggle. "We'll see."

"Goodnight."

It's too bad about the chocolate. Next time I'll send him a giant conversation heart. He's probably allergic to candy too... and hearts.