After hounding Clay's representatives and eventually taking the life of one, I finally got hold of his phone number. I decided to call the lanky beauty and proposition him for a date.

I popped a couple of conversation hearts into my mouth, choking on one while I dialed his home in Raleigh, North Carolina.

My nerves began to act up and when he finally answered, my throat went dry. "Hello?"

"Hello?" My voice cracked.

"HELLO?!" I could barely hear him as he yelled over what sounded like 'Raining Men'.

As he turned it down, I could've sworn I heard Ryan Seacrest primping his own hair in the background.

"Sorry about that."

"Um... is this Clay?"

"Yes it is."

"Clayton?"

"Yes." He affirmed.

"Clayton Aiken?"

"Um... yeah."

"Clayton Holmes Aiken? Formerly Grissom?"

He let out a cute southern giggle. My knees weakened and I choked on another conversation heart.

"Can I ask who this is?" He questioned.

I spit out the heart. "Um... My name is Patti... I'm calling to ask you on a date."

Cute southern giggle again.

"Well, um... Do I know you?"

"No, but you will. Cause I find you refreshingly sexy."

Giggle again. "Oh goodness."

"Flattered?"

"Absolutely."

I think I heard him wink.

"So are we going out or not?"

"You know what... I don't think so."

I was struck by his brutal honesty. "Why not?"

"I'm just not sure that's a good idea."

"Come on. Let's go out."

"I really don't think so."

"What if I told you I find you oddly erotic?"

"Uh..."

"Or that I think you're the most adorable thing since sliced bread?" I said.

"Sliced bread? I don't know about that."

"What if you were invisible?"

"No, not really."

"You'd be the smartest man." I insisted.

"Yeah, um... You know what. I don't really know you... and you're kinda freaking me out."

I've heard people say that to me so many times that it didn't faze me.

"What if I sent you a box of conversation hearts? They say things like 'KISS ME', 'U R BAD', and 'EMAIL ME'. I'll even make some custom ones that say 'SEX YOU UP', 'ACHIN FOR AIKEN', and 'LOVE IN AN ELEVATOR'."

"Love in an elevator will never fit on a conversation heart." He pointed out.

"I'll make it fit. Then we can eat them and drink Sanka on the porch."

"Actually, um... I'm allergic to coffee."

"What about girls?" I asked.

"I'm not gay."

"Nobody's saying you are."

"You just implied it. Don't imply things like that."

I didn't realize he could get so curt. I didn't really think he was gay, but since he was turning me down... well, it makes one wonder.

"It'd be alright if you were. You could be my gay lover."

"Um, you... You're using that phrase in the wrong context. If I was your gay lover, you'd have to be a guy."

"Are you saying you wish I was a guy?"

"No!" He yelled.

"Cause that's ok. There are operations for that."

I was disconnected. Damn Raleigh phone service. I called back. He picked up but didn't say hello.

"What if I moved to Raleigh and became a special needs kid?" I asked.

"That's appalling!"

I busted out singing. I was halfway through the chorus of "Invisible" before I realized the phone had gone dead.

I said hello a few times, but was greeted with a dial tone. It must have been a bad connection. I'll try back tomorrow.